Five years ago, if someone had told me that I would be drinking protein shakes for one or two meals, tossing back some “swamp water” every morning like clockwork and fasting regularly, I probably would have laughed hard enough to wet myself. 

Oh stop it.  It’s not that I’m a stranger to healthier eating habits.  I rocked Weight Watchers after each babe was born.  This chick can count some calories.  However, as much as I loved WW, it only taught portion control.  I needed to know what I was missing and what I had too much of in this mom bod.

For a while now, I have heard stories and read articles on the effects of gluten in a person’s daily diet.  And I was most definitely intrigued.  But listen.  I love my chocolate glazed from Dunkies.  I day dream about the Five Guys Little Cheese and I do not mean with lettuce for a bun.  DINNER ROLLS ARE MY LIFEBLOOD and the thought of having to pass on that complementary Foccacia bread served at “Not Your Average Joe’s” with the oil and spices on the table that I basically lap up like a puppy dog was just too much to handle.

So when I would hear someone say that they couldn’t have gluten, I almost felt like I should hug them. And apologize.  And ask them if they were okay because…how are they even surviving? That’s seriously how I felt. And, yes, I can be a bit overdramatic. So what?  

But then about three weeks ago, I found myself with belly aches and just some overall GI issues every single night that I could not seem to attribute to anything in particular.  I must have just read an article on symptoms of gluten sensitivity so I thought, “Eh, what the heck? I can do anything for a few days.” 

YOU GUYS.  It is not that hard.  Really.  I’m not kidding when I say that I had mentally prepared myself for a very real, deep sadness as I mourned the loss of the sweet wheat in my mouth. 

As it turns out, I was wrong.  There are so many things that I can still have without modification.  And the other things like brownies and cookies can be made using alternative ingredients.  And only about a third of said ingredients sound like drugs.  You know, like xanthan gum. I’m still not even sure how to pronounce it but a friend gave me some in a small baggie and if a police officer had stopped me, I am fairly certain I would have been brought up on charges of possession. 

So here I am, day eight, and NO belly issues.  None.  Now, I did go through a bit of a detox for the first few days where I am pretty sure I may have sounded like a younger Cruella deVille and felt a little homicidal.  Not to worry, though.  That has since passed. 

Now that I’ve seen how doable this dietary change can be, I think we will be implementing across the board which means one of two things: 1) I will be upping my Betty Crocker skills in homemade crescent roll making or 2) my children will hate me for a few weeks when I say “No” to the nightly “Are we having rolls with dinner?” interrogation.  But then they’ll move past their homicidal phase just like I did and we’ll all be peachy keen.  Sort of. 

Besides, much of my “research” has shown that a lower gluten intake correlates to better behavior.  Not that we have any issues in that department ever in this house EVER…but, let's be real, I’ll gladly take any assistance that I can get before I go freaking loco. 

Now.  Who’s happy they logged on to read this masterpiece on my musings of bread? 

Oh and one last thing I’ve learned.  Gluten free does NOT mean calorie free.  Trust me.